Moon Child drank a lot of sake.

What if being addicted to smoking was instead being addicted to being out in the sun? Go with me here. This is a thought process that just wants to wander right now.

I've found that smoking a cigarette is more enjoyable when you're in the company of others, when you're enjoying each other and when you feel busy and rushed. Why? I feel it's because since you feel busy and in the middle of things it's because you don't know when exactly you're going to have another cigarette again. You savor it. I'm talking about real nicotine addicts. Now, when you're alone you have a sort of internal clock that tells you when you want to have another cigarette, and at least for me it also has to do with boredom and anxiety. You have a scheduled time that you'd like to have a cigarette. And for most of the time when I am alone and I'm having a cigarette it's not nearly as enjoyable as when I am in the company of others. When I'm alone I tend to just suck it down, still thinking of how bad it is for me and how much I'd like to quit, but still leaning on the addiction and still thinking I "need" it. When I am in the company of others and smoking, esPECIALLY when I am around other smokers, I feel less exiled and more accepted in how much I smoke. Even if I think about the fact that cigarettes are terrible for me and I'd like to not die from lung cancer, at that moment I don't care.

I'm going to replace smoking with being out in the sun. The first question that comes to mind that can be reasoned in so many ways is: would everyone mind as much? Would your family members and friends be frowning upon you when you wanted to step outside for 5 minutes?
Would you be viewed as an addict? Would there be restaurants that had signs up out front that said "Please no stepping outside during your meal"? (referring to the resent ban of smoking inside public establishments in the state of Pennsylvania), would public places have all their blinds down so that no natural light could get in and tempt you?

DISCLAIMER: Now, I realize that all this is absolutely ridiculous, I am on a sort of rant right now. I don't know exactly what spawned it, but I'm sure the bottle of sake I just finished didn't help any.

Anyway. Ahem. Now I'm thinking of how I'm only going to be getting 7 hours of sleep (if I'm lucky) just because I wanted to write this whole stupid thing. I've had a writer's block for the longest time and even though this may be a half-drunken rant I'd like to see it through. It may not be worth it, but a thought cannot be left unfinished, especially if it is going to be published!

So, replacing a nicotine addiction with loving the sun, would more parties and gatherings take place during the day (oh, say 3 o' clock) when the sun was highest in the sky? I know that when I am at a party and drunk I tend to smoke way more cigarettes, because I don't feel the pain, and for some reason it feels like my body craves it more. It also seems like somewhat of a confidence booster, for whatever reason. When I have a cigarette physically in my hand I feel so much better. When I'm drunk. I feel that I have everything I need. So, I ask again, would more parties take place during the day when the UV fiends feel most comfortable? As an ice breaker? So that when they feel fucked up they have everything they need?

Would UV addicts lose their jobs because they would rather get fucked up during the day than work for a measly wage?

What if being out in the sun gave you the same mini-high of smoking a cigarette? Think about it.

I'm going to be embarrassed about posting tomorrow morning, but I'm going to fight my hardest to not delete this. Even if it brings me negative attention, the fact that I got some sort of thought process out and let it flow instead of capping it off and keeping it bottled up, I'll be proud.

And Molly, just so you know, I was going to leave this on your answering machine 'cause I thought you'd get a kick out of it, but I thought I'd sound like an ass (ha ha) so I didn't. Love you.

-Livi.